Tale of a Virgin Cougar – Episode 7

Papi 1

“Hello, who’s on the line?” Mr. Williams said.

How will I introduce myself to Mr. Williams? ‘Good Evening Sir, I’m your Wife’s friend’ or what will I say? As I was thinking of what to say I just remembered the Abokis, Abokis are known for calling wrong numbers yeah?

I know how to speak Hausa to some extent, so I went from Fresh UNILAG Boy to an Illiterate Hausa real quick. I scattered Hausa for the man and pretended I didn’t know how to speak English, I bemused him and he dropped the call.

Mrs. Williams didn’t save my number! As I thought about this I snapped my finger like ‘yeah! That’s right!’ If she saved my number that trick wouldn’t work, it broke my heart but on the other hand it saved me, so it’s cool.

I had my earpiece on, I put the world on silent and my song in the highest volume. With my clouded mind and my loud song I was going to my hostel. I was jamming to ‘Wicked Games’ by The Weeknd (you know the song yeah?), as I was listening to this song I was thinking about everything.

I thought about Mrs. Williams, I thought about Vanessa, I thought about the new almighty Lola I just had new experience with. I thought about my Life, I thought about what I really want. Am I confused? Am I searching for Love or for Lust? I thought about the possible future Mrs. Williams and I could have together, I thought about the possibility of Mrs. Williams’s son being someone I know, since we stay in the same hostel. I thought about the circle I just entered, the Lola and Vanessa’s circle, I know it is all fun for now, but the latter might be horrible, when real jealousy sets in, (we all know babes can be really dramatic when jealous).

The song you listen to has a lot of influence on your thoughts unno? I was probably thinking about that because of the song I was listening to. I was so deep in my thoughts I wasn’t even really listening to the song again, I was dead to my environment, and I was completely lost in my thought.

I was about entering my hostel when one of my friends, PrinceEasy, tapped me from behind; I didn’t even see him before. I was quite frightened when he tapped me, the tap brought me back to life, he was saying some things I couldn’t hear, like he was talking to a deaf man, my earpiece was plugged to my ears na, so I didn’t hear what he was saying. He looked super excited, he was greatly agitated.

‘PrinceEasy, wassup? Wetin dey happen?’ I asked him to know the reason behind his fly mood. PrinceEasy has been my nigga from day one in school, he was like the first friend I made in school, he tells me almost everything happening to him, I’m a bit reserved, I don’t usually tell people what’s happening to me till I know I can no longer hide it.

He looked at me like what’s wrong with this one that he is talking like someone that wants to faint, he must have noticed I was not in the right mood, but at that moment he didn’t care. All he wanted was to tell me what he had done in the night. With the way he was doing, I knew he must have done something really crazy or something he has been wishing to do but I was just looking at him like ‘if only you know what I’ve done tonight, you will know you didn’t do sh*t’

“Baba, I’ve done many things tonight o” I looked at him like ‘and so? After that nko?’ but still he did not care, he was just excited, he was acting like I’d jump up after telling me what he did. My mood was too fucked up to be curious, I was thinking about me.

I shouldn’t be having mood swing; I should be in a very fly mood. I mean the mood I pictured myself after doing all I had done in that night was a fly guy mood, I pictured myself walking back to my hostel like I own the world, with Kanye West kind of swag. But it was the direct opposite; I was just walking back to my hostel like they stole my plantain. I didn’t know why I was feeling like that but I couldn’t help it.

I just managed to ask him what was happening, that was how he scattered the gist for me; it was about him and Sandra. We actually met Sandra in a club; she was a crazy girl when we met her, party animal and fun loving. PrinceEasy and I met her at the same time, I actually wanted to set her p that night but my Nigga, PrinceEasy outwitted me. I didn’t bother, it’s one of those things Niggas do to Niggas.

Because PrinceEasy wanted to gain admission into Sandra’s Institution of Honey, he became a fool for her, he spent a lot, and he did a lot. Sandra is one of those kinds of babes that any Nigga would want to hit, you know there are some babes you just want to hit, and you know you’d die of heartache if you make them your girlfriend. Nobody needs to tell you, you know falling in love with them is falling in your own grave.

Sandra was one of those babes that when you meet her, she seems like an easy catch but it wasn’t like that for my Nigga. She really stressed and extorted him; it was all fine with him since he was pursuing something, but something very dramatic happened.

Sandra gave her life to Jesus Christ!!! My Goodness! She was the fire in every party; an Impotent Nigga would gain his potency if she grinds him. No jokes, she all of a suddenly turned a new leaf, we thought she had started one of her “I want to be like Genevieve” moves, we thought she was acting. But, she wasn’t forming it, we actually confirmed ourselves. Bad Girl Gone Good, She became Rihanna’s opposite. She used to be all about club, banging, and smoking shit up! Now she’s all about Church; she used to be all about things of the world now she is all about celestial (heavenly) things.

The day I knew she has really turned to something else was when my friends (PrinceEasy inclusive) and I were coming from somewhere in the school when we noticed a group of sisters singing behind us, Sandra was among, infact na she dey front! She was singing out loud, she was singing like heavens were going to fall, as she was singing, she spoke in tongues too. “Who are these Choir Mistresses again?” one of us said, I just stylishly looked back to see the girls singing, Lo and behold it was Sandra and her other sisters in the Lord, as I saw her I called Easy too.

The look on PrinceEasy’s face was priceless, when we saw the way he looked at her we laughed out loud. She stopped singing when she saw us laughing. She increased her pace and caught up with us. She walked up to us and this babe started preaching to all of us, we were like 5, that day I was amazed, I was just looking at her mouth while she was talking like ‘wow, after all you’ve done with this mouth, word of God can still come out of it’?.

Since then PrinceEasy’s dream of banging her and running away died. They became just friends later (you know sometimes you’d have spent too much on a babe and you won’t just want to watch her go, just like that.), she used to take him to fellowship a lot, and she was having positive influence on him, take him to library and all that. Though they later started dating, the No Kiss, No Sex kind of relationship and they were enjoying the relationship, according to him.

What PrinceEasy told me he did that night was he kissed Sandra, it shouldn’t be a big deal but it was to him, even to me, because Sandra wasn’t really into all those things anymore. He was about gisting me how he the kiss happened when my phone rang. Who’s the caller? (Don’t worry I’m not ending this episode here, we are still rolling… LOL)

I wished it was Mrs. Williams that called back but it was Vanessa that called. I picked up “Vanessa, wassup?” She sounded normal; I thought she wanted to para about what happened between Lola and me.

“Have you checked your pocket? Don’t you know you’re forgetting something?” as she said this, I quickly checked my pocket, what am I forgetting?? Oh!! Fuck me!!! I forgot my wallet in her room; it must have dropped from my trousers, at that moment I really wanted to die.

I couldn’t go back to her place again; I was too weak to do that. “Baby please can you help me bring it to my hostel, please”. I knew she wouldn’t bring it, she would want me to come take it myself, and maybe we’d finish what her boyfriend interrupted earlier.

“You don’t know bringers; you better come and take your wallet if you need it” what am I going to do now? I was still thinking of what to do when my friend asked me if I was just coming from Vanessa’s place. I just answered yes and didn’t say anything after.

“So Vanessa’s place is where you’re coming from? Is that why you’re looking like someone that wants to die? She has drained all your energies again, na this babe go kill you last last” I ignored whatever he said and told him to continue with the gist of how he got his Spiritually Tight Girlfriend to kiss him when Lola called me.

He heard how the conversation went, he noticed something, I’m sure he was confused because I just told him I went to see Vanessa, why did Lola call me? Why were we planning another meeting? Because when she called me I told her I’d busy for the rest of the week.

“My Nigga! how far? Who called you again?” at this point, I had to spill everything I did that night. So I picked up the gist and threw it at him, but I didn’t tell him about Mrs. Williams.

He started whining me “ahh! You be chairman o, so only you! You dey with 2 babes for one bed!” he continued whining, “Ba Ba Ba baddest”. After all the whining he said, “Now I know why you’re this dull! Vanessa only is death to you, adding a friend is your end, just go upstairs, shower and make sure you drink milk before you sleep, and don’t forget the assignment we are to submit by 8a.m o, have you done it?”

I begged him to help me with the assignment, I pretended I was really down, he agreed to help me with the assignment. He wanted to follow me to my room but his girlfriend, Sandra, called him to come and collect food, so he left.

Immediately I got to my room, I went to shower and brush my teeth. I went to the bathroom with my toothpaste, because I knew I would want to wash my teeth more than once, I knew I had to scrub my tongue very well. My mouth has been to many places, many corners… I had to wash it very well.

After shower, I plugged my phone to the charger and went to bed. My night was peaceful, nothing disturbed me, I’m sure you guys heard about bed bug invasion in UNILAG, that night I didn’t feel bed bug, I slept well.

Read About the Bed Bug Invasion in Unilag Here – UNILAG Students Protest Over Bed Bug Invasion

It took me time before I could get out of bed but I did, eventually. I went for my classes and all that. After my class, I told my friends to follow me to Vanessa’s place that I forgot my wallet in her place, on our way I also told them about last night.

When we got to Vanessa’s place, I called her to come outside, she thought I was alone initially she wanted me to come inside, I told her I was with friends that she has to come downstairs, with my wallet.

While we were waiting for her, Lola was just coming from school, she looked really stressed, like she had to fight devil during the day and all her make-up had worn out. She wasn’t all that beautiful when I saw her, like her beauty faded, all I saw was her ass. Seeing her ass again made me think of hitting her again, I thought about doggie, doggie with that kind of ass would be a lifetime experience.

As she saw me outside, I think Vanessa had told her I forgot my wallet with her, she asked if that was what I came to get, she also told me she denied me entering her room after we left Vanessa’s room. “I need to rush upstairs and shower, I’m really tired” she looked really tired too; she left and went to her room. She must have met Vanessa on her way, because few seconds after she left Vanessa came.

She knows most of my friends, after greeting them and giving them side hugs, she greeted me like I own her, she hugged me like she wanted to glue her breasts to my chest, I loved the feel of her airbags on me, I hugged her tighter, like I’ve missed her too.

“Big Head, the rubbish you were doing last night made you forget your wallet” I looked at her like I was totally confused, like I didn’t get what she was saying. I collected my wallet from her; I knew she couldn’t take from my money so I didn’t bother to check.

We talked about some things; we talked about when we would see again, I told her I’d be busy for the rest of the week, like I told Lola. She wanted to start talking about last night, I reminded her my friends were with me, and I wouldn’t like to keep them waiting, ‘Baby let’s talk about this later, I’ll call you’ I said to her and kissed her on her cheek, that was me saying goodbye, as I turned my back, she said she knows I won’t call her. I knew I wouldn’t call her, I just said that to excuse myself.

Getting back to school, my friends went to their hostel, only PrinceEasy and I stay in the same hostel, but not the same room though. I went to my room and looked for what to eat…

All through that day Mrs. Williams didn’t call me, and every time my phone rang I wished she was the one calling. The first day went like that, the second day again she didn’t call, no call, no text, nothing from her at all.

I wished I could call her, but I just couldn’t. The third day, I waited for her call, or her text, still I received nothing. When the fourth day was almost ending I wished I knew her Son, I would have gone to ask him ‘How’s your Mum? She has not called me in 4 days, hope all is well?’

That was me thinking, the fifth day was going…. By then I couldn’t take it anymore, I knew I had to call her, but not any time after 8p.m tho, I didn’t want Mr. I-Can-Pick-My-Wife’s Call, Mr. Williams to pick up again.

When it was exactly 4’O clock in the evening, I called her. Guess who picked the call again?

Mr. Williams???!!! No jhur, it was not Mr. Williams…. As I called the number this is what I heard

“The MTN Number you’re trying to Call is currently switched off, please try again later”

As the call ended, my heartache started, like a spear was thrown to my heart, at that moment if I saw a naked hottie, my Abraham staff wouldn’t perform any magic. I could feel my heart bleeding. What’s going to happen?

Just let me go and shower, and think through in the bathroom. I took longer than I should in the bathroom, I was just thinking, what if her number never goes through again, how will I see her again? As I was thinking about this I remembered the card she gave me has her Office Number on it. Let me just call her office.

Quickly, I showered and rushed to my room, searched my locker, searched everywhere, I couldn’t find the card she gave me again. I asked my roommates if they saw any card lying in the room. Nobody did, Card was gone, and her number wasn’t going through.

Later that day I tried to call her again, she was still switched off, the next day I tried to call her again; her number was still switched off. The next day I tried to call her again, same thing, she was still switched off.

What’s going to happen? Is that how I won’t see Mrs. Williams again? Is that how Mrs. Williams’s path and mine will never cross again?

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