Tale of a Virgin Cougar – Episode 11

When we left the house, my plan was to tell them (Vanessa and Lola) Mrs. Williams’s car was for my Aunty that just got back from Kaduna. Thank God Lola talked before I did; it would have been a real mess for me. Imagine I said the car was for my Aunty before Lola talked, Lola will just look at me like “baba why you lying, why you fucking lying” y’all know that song na.

“abi I should call her and ask where she is ni?” Lola asked Vanessa, she didn’t wait for Vanessa to reply her when she said again “wo(see) I am too tired jor, let’s just be going”. Still Vanessa did not say a thing, Vanessa was still forming vexed, me I was thinking in my own mind “so Lola is like a daughter to Mrs. Williams, so Elliot is her son! Mo daran (I’m in trouble)”.

Now, I know Mrs. Williams son, Lola doesn’t know I know Mrs. Williams, Mrs. Williams doesn’t know I Lola and her son, Elliot, Elliot too doesn’t know I know his Mom, Elliot thinks I am Lola’s boyfriend sef, what should I do? Act like I don’t know? Or tell Mrs. Williams I know her son? Or tell Lola I have kissed her Aunty? Or the next time I see Elliot I should be like “Yo, I kissed your Momma and we slept in the same bed” (He will just kill me, you remember I told you he looks like he spends all day at the gym and me I look like Wiz Khalifa. Imagine The Rock and Wiz Khalifa in a fight!! You know at the end of the fight Wiz Khalifa will look like he swallowed one of these Boko Harams bomb, you know don’t you?). So what should I do?

Should I just keep flowing? Keep acting like I don’t know anything? Acting like I don’t know the connection between Lola, Elliot and Mrs. Williams? The fucked up thing about this is I don’t know what either Lola or her Aunty wants from me, I don’t know where we are heading. Where are we heading? When I go back to see Mrs. Williams you will know.

So, I called them a cab when we got to the junction and paid for it, I had enough money in my pocket, remember Mrs. Williams aka Lola’s Aunty didn’t collect the change I got when I paid for the room last night.

“Babes, I am very sorry for last night… let me make it up to you” I said while I winked at them, that was after paying for the cab and they were already in the car. Vanessa smiled then ended it with that I am not interested face, I know she was vexing but she knows what I do when I say that let me make it up to you line. Lola is new to that; she looked at me with enough curiosity.

“When will you both be free? We can finish what we couldn’t finish the other day” guys you remember what we couldn’t finish the other? What Elliot interrupted, won’t you like us to finish it? Vanessa looked at me like she wouldn’t want it, Lola was still looking lost. “You are not serious, Driver let us go jor” Vanessa said to the cabman and as he was about to move she said “If you like don’t call me o, you hear?” and they left.

As I was going back to my house I was just thinking out loud, my legs were not walking they used to before, the thoughts of what might come out of the relationship between Mrs. Williams, Lola, Vanessa and Elliot wanted to sweep me inside the gutter. I yawned like someone that has sleep deficiency malady, sighed like the most I was the most depressed.

I was just going back to my house thinking about what might befall me if I don’t use my sense to tackle what is before, it will be really bad? Sheybi it will be bad? (Just imagine it, put yourself in my shoe or in Elliot’s shoe anyone that fits you as a guy, and if you are a babe what put yourself in Lola’s shoe, what would you do?)

As I was just going back to my place, deep in my thoughts, lost in my soul, wandering in my body and dead to my environment, a car suddenly came to hit me from behind, the speed wasn’t much but still I died, yes I died. (Imagine you are watching a Nollywood flick, you know how their accidents are like and that was the kind of accident that killed me, now that the Actor is dead, end of story!)

Thank you all for reading Tale of a Virgin Cougar by @inCognitoPapi, story has ended o, you people can come and go. LOL! And to the Reader that wanted Episode 11 as Birthday Gift; I cannot but hope you enjoy this episode and it is “gift” enough for you, Happy Birthday to you. And yes!!! My Birthday is on the 4th of this Month, January; remember to send your wishes anytime you get to read this Episode.

Oh wait! Story has not ended; I hope you didn’t fall for that sha? This story can’t end like that na, Come on!!! Nothing has happened yet na? Has anything happened? A lot will still happen, just keep reading.

True true ehn, car jammed me from behind but I didn’t die and nothing happened to me, no injury, I was not even bruised, how did it happen? Were the Angels guarding really on duty at that point in time. Let me tell you what happened.

It was Solomon that was trying to play with me, I am sure you have tried what Solomon tried too when you are driving and you see your friend walking along the street, normally the friend you are trying to play with will either run or be scared or something sha.

But because of what I was thinking, because I was not conscious of what was happening around me I was too lost to realize a car was coming slowly from behind me, Solomon too must have been thinking he will soon run, till his car slightly brushed my leg, it was when the car brushed my leg I shouted like trailer jammed me, I shouted like an old He Goat being castrated, have you witnessed one before? The shout is crazy AF.

“haha weyrey, you don high this early morning?” Solomon said when he saw the drama I just performed. I just looked at him like a Father looking at a bastard son, the kind of look my Dad will probably give me when he knows about all I did in his house when he comes back.

“You dey mad ni? Why you no kuku kill me finish?” I said to him after I took a deep breath and was saw that I was not dying. He didn’t even apologize, in Lagos you know how close friends are by how much they insult, throw abusive words or curse each other, or it’s not just in Lagos?

Because King Solomon was my padi, he didn’t even say sorry or anything like that? He said “why you no kuku die, after you don miss enough fun last night” as he said last night, he added more ginger, more energy. “Guy, walahi you miss gan last night, where you go sef” he asked.

Immediately I heard that last night and with the way he said it, immediately I jumped in his car, and King Solomon ehn, he likes to talk, he is the best guy to hear the gist from actually, he always notices everything happening around him. Yes!! His gbeborun that much.

As I sat down, he wasn’t even interested in knowing where I went to again, he just said “Guess what?!?” Normally I should guess but because the Nigerian blood runs in me I said “what?” instead of him should say what he wants to say he asked me to guess again, with all up in my head I couldn’t guess, I was stumped for words.

After trying to think for a while I said “alaye talk if you want to talk jare, ode”. He looked at me and said “Ode you no fit reason, oya make I help you small, guess who and who bang yesterday?” with the way he said it and all I already knew who he was talking about, you already know too. PrinceEasy and Sandra finally did it, I said “Easy don do Sandra??” I wasn’t all that excited but I said that with a louder voice than I have been talking.

“No be only say e do am sef, Nigga! we got the video!!!” As I heard they got that shii on video I just laughed out like WTF! How managed? That means that is what they went to do when I didn’t see them at the party again. Decided to ask Solomon how the whole thing went down.

“Solo, are you serious right now, how did you make the video” I told you King Solomon likes to talk na, he was just talking, he gave me the whole gist, how they started from just dancing, to erotic dancing and he already gave PrinceEasy the room to enter before the whole party started, he had his laptop on in the room and kept the webcam running at the background.

“Nigga, people too bang for that room yesterday o, but na them Easy and Sandra crash there”. So they slept in the same room, ehn ehn, “na all night they fuck” I asked Solomon, “baba sheybi na house we dey go like this, I go play you the film” at that moment I couldn’t wait to and see how my Nigga conquered Sandra’s honey pot.

Yoruba Boys, you know how it goes na, when you have been pursuing a girl for a long time, a girl that was supposed to be easy for you now became the hardest, after spending and everything… you know when now have the access to her honey pot, you know how you use to enter the place like Bazooka! How you feel? You know the feeling now, if it is a Conc. Yoruba Boy, he will just spoil the place like “I paid for this shi”.

Is that what PrinceEasy will do to Sandra? Sandra collected enough money from Princeeasy before she turned to a church babe, more reason why Easy didn’t stop chasing, he was not going to lose that battle and PrinceEasy’s surname is Balogun (he’s apparently a Yoruba boy), his forefathers were warriors, he was not going to stop till he conquers just like his forefathers.

I really wanted to know how the knack went, I wanted to know if they did doggie or missionary, I told you how sexy Sandra is and she has a nice ass, I was just in anticipation of watching what my guy did to Sandra, and you know when you see your guys win! You know na, The Yoruba Boys clique, the “We Always Win” Team awon eyan DJ Khaled, “Undefeated” awon Eyan Mayweather, I just couldn’t wait to see the tape.

If you see me at that moment you will not recognize me again, me that I was very moody few minutes back you will think nothing on earth can make me look that excited again. But we’ve all been waiting to conquer, I just had to get out of that mood and let go of that situation and celebrate Victory.

We got home, what I saw going on in my sitting room was shocking, Niggas have gone to connect the laptop to my Father’s television via HDMI, they are watching what they recorded earlier, the people on-screen that time I came into the sitting room was not PrinceEasy or someone I know, so I was not interested, I asked where PrinceEasy and Sandra were, and one of my guys, we call him Slim, he said “PrinceEasy and Sandra has left since morning, they left very early sef”.

As I heard they were not around I just pushed it to them to let us take the video to PrinceEasy and Sandra’s part but the one they were watching suddenly became sweeter, the way the girl was moaning like that Spiritual Girl Frank Ocean was with in his sextape, I just had to sit down and watch it all.

The video long die, I am sure the video stopped because the laptop hibernated when the battery was down. I was spending more time than I should on the video, I have forgotten Mrs. Williams, I have her side patapata I was just watching the videos with my friends, we laughed our asses out, lots happened in that room, you need to see the video (you can check the video out on Youtube LOL).

I don’t know what took Solomon to my room; he just came back shouting “Baba your phone don dey ring since morning o, “Aunty Vic” don call you like 29 times” Hearing Aunty Vic has called me that much my heart wanted to seize, who is Aunty Vic sef? Mrs. Victoria Williams, I have forgotten my phone was not with me sef, I was charging it in my room when I got back this morning, my phone was about to die.

But why will she call me that much, oh fuck me! I have spent like 2 hours watching this rubbish, as he said that one to me, I was still trying to look at Solomon’s side, and I was watching him bring my phone to me, he wasn’t walking fast enough for me, I got up and went to meet him as I was going Slim called me again, he said “Nigga!! PrinceEasy and Sandra don enter; you have to see the way they entered!” Everybody in the room was already laughing out loud

My legs were confused, my body sef was confused, why did they laugh that much about how PrinceEasy and Sandra entered the room, why did Mrs. Williams call me that much sef? I just had to go meet Solomon and collect my phone. “But why are you this stupid? Why did you say 29 when it was just 5?” that is what I said when I saw that Mrs. Williams has called 5 times and not like 5 is not much but compared to 29 it is better, not like E is not bad but compared to F, E is better, you get?

I was going back to watch my Nigga in action, when Mrs. Williams called me again. I picked, “Hello, sorry I missed your call, I was doing shores” She said no problem that  she just wanted to tell me the guy that fixes her car is done with it and that she would have to leave soon.

She told me she wants us to talk before I left and when she told me she would be going soon I understood that she was trying to tell me to come back. So I told her that I would be on my way immediately.

I left home immediately; I can go and watch the video later, anytime I want sef, let me attend to matters arising first. There was something about Mrs. Williams’s voice and the silence and calmness from her side when she talked to me, I was nervous about going to see her again.

As I was leaving my house and going to meet Mrs. Williams, I saw my parent’s car coming, almost close to the house, I was sure they would have seen me already, as I remembered the situation of the house, how messed up and fucked the place is, what they are even doing in the sitting room I fainted!

LOL! I didn’t faint, so what happened after that? Ladies and gentlemen you will know in the next episode! Happy New Year

Don’t forget, 4th of this month is my birthday; remember to send your wishes and anything you like to send, LOL.

Written By inCognito Papi [don’t forget to follow me on Twitter/Instagram: – @inCognitoPapi Bless!!!]

There’s a song I will like y’all to LISTEN TO, CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD, Thank Me Later


12 thoughts on “Tale of a Virgin Cougar – Episode 11

  1. yes don’t make people tired of this story but for me am tired of this story. when something is taking too long it is not making sense any longer. why are people bored of local movies. Happy birthday in arrears.


  2. Happy Birthday bro. Nice write up. But speed up ur updates and like an earlier comment said, story don’t dey too long. Suspense don dey too much!


  3. …and @incognitopapi why don’t you take this story to nairland (literature section) u will get more comments and accolades there and its more fun. Ginger go dey! And also I need to bring to ur notice someone’s is already copying n pasting this (plagiarism) on naitaland and I don’t thinkbd person is u neither did he have ur permission . Happy Belated Birthday once again. Blissful 2016 for us all.


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